DAY 12

Today is day 12 of my mother being in Calvary Hospital in the Bronx.

I don't have to say this but it is HARD coming up here to see her.  Not physically, but emotionally. Even though she is supposed to be stable for now I never know when I am going to arrive in time to see the doctors working on her.

Each day she gets less and less responsive.  A week ago she would move her head at the sound of my voice.  She isn't doing that now.  She is still responding to the music I play her.

Emotionally I am dealing.  I am torn between being happy to at least be able to look at her and wanting her to go to that next plane to avoid not seeing her the way she was. Not hastening death but also not prolonging any suffering.  Right now there is no quality of life.  I am not ready for funeral services but I am not happy having a mother in physical shell only.

From what I gather Mom is going through two things.  One is the leg infection with ties to the flesh eating bacteria and the other is apparent late stage dementia.  The late stages of that disease were probably accelerated by the leg infection which is severe and in her joints.