Right now I couldn't tell you what I am feeling. I honestly couldn't. I feel a number of things.
Grief: Naturally. I just suffered the loss of my mother.
Relief: I will no longer have to watch the shell of her and more importantly no longer have to watch her suffer from this infection.
Anger: Towards the people responsible for my mother's infection.
Withdrawn: I really don't feel like talking about her. As well-intentioned as people are I am not ready to deal with this to others
Ambitious: Ready to take care of her business and to move on.
To a certain degree, free: I can for now reclaim a part of my life. Still no regrets on what I have had to do.
I last visited Mom yesterday. She had difficulty breathing. Her oxygen level was at 78% so they had an oxygen mask on her, but she seemed to still have trouble breathing. This is the only time I can say she suffered. There was nothing I could do. I didn't think she had much time though.
May you rest in peace Mom.
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