Home aide issue

My apologies if I shared this story before.   Year's ago I had a co-worker who needed extra income and thought about working as a home attendant.  She was told that all you had to do was feed the patient and put them to bed.  At the time I knew what my family was going through and I quickly corrected her.  I let my friend know that of you are lucky that is all you may have to do.    Elderly have so many issues you may have to clean them and assist in many other ways.   I told her to go into the job expecting to do a lot and hopefully you will get an easy one.

After my uncle died around 2008 and before my aunt recently passed a LOT of home attendants were hired.  Because we didn't have money were didn't hire through an agency where you would pay at least $14  an hour.  We hired private, meaning we got folks outside of the agency and negotiated out own price.   Back then it was about $9 an hour.

Almost everything today is about money which is why experiences with home attendants vary.  A lot of people take the job for money but can't qualify to work at a legitimate agency. 

I always felt that if the service came from the city or state government the service would be better.  You run into problems when you care for people for profits.   We have had a number of people no show for my aunt.  Mind you she couldn't walk on her own or even get out of bed.  So when people got tired of having to do more than feed her and putting her to bed they would just fail to show up. Thankfully a neighbor who chipped in with her services would assist.  But there were quite a few times the person who was supposed to show up at 9 in the morning no-showed. 

After a while some folks like us run out money like my mother.  She needs total care and can't afford it.  Private total care would cost $240 A day.  We can afford that for ten days without Mom eating or having supplies.  Best we can do now is pray for Medicaid spend down

I just wish all of this inforation was available statewide with ease.  My generation is not ready for the next 10 years. 

New Year's Eve

This will be my 11th or 12th consecutive New Year's Eve night in Daytona Beach.  This one will be a lot different since my aunt passed away on the 19th of December.  Even though I am glad to no longer have to see her with not only the cancer but her other ailments I will miss her.  You get used to certain traditions.

I am stl praying to get Mom to New York and into a nursing home.    Each step will be a challenge.   Getting the forms filled out and getting her accepted is the first major challenge.   Getting her to New York is the second major challenge.  Getting this paid for is another.  Getting Mom situated there is yet another challenge.   By no means does it end there but those are the major hurdles for now.

I will be glad to leave Florida.  I will be glad to not have to travel here every few months.  I hate the politics here.    I know not to move to a state that has no state taxes in the future.

Note to Self

Official Note to Self:

I have a lot of things going on in my life so I have to get into WRITING notes and ideas on paper then getting on the laptop and typing it.  Right now I try to keep the idea in my head then type as I write.  Can't work anymore. With each thing in my life I generate a different mood and a definite shift in ideas.  I will have momentum for elder care then do something and get ideas for something else. On my way to the library this morning I just knew what I wanted to write about for this blog.  I sat down, write out some bills and before I knew it I am yawning and now forgot what I was even going to write about.

Fine lines...why I haven't blogged

12/28

I am in the library again at Ormond Beach.  I am still researching information for the nursing homes as well as taking a quick break..  Writing can be therapeutic. 

So far no real movement getting Mom placed in a nursing home in New York.  I have to work out some serious issues with Medicaid as well as the medical.  Other than that I am actually looking forward to bringing her home.  I won't have to worry about home attendant issues anymore.

Getting a home attendant is always a hard issue.  The obvious issue is bringing a stranger into your home.  There are plenty of stories about people stealing.  I never worried too much about that.  Mom doesn't have much at the house to steal.  Everyone does have to worry about the quality of care and this will vary from person to person.  Fr a number of reasons I cannot even begin to advise anyone on how to choose a person to care for your loved one.

During the last 11 years my aunt and my mother  dealt with a LOT of home aides.  A lot meaning I cannot count them all.  We had to deal with every issue you can think of.    We dealt with money issues, people not showing up, egos.  You name it and we dealt with it.  Most of them were helpful to some degree and because of that I won't get deep into specifics.

One lady would come and not even sit in the same room as my mother and aunt.  Another would come, smoke cigarettes outside and cough the whole time she was inside.   Some wouldn't wash their hands as often as they should have.  One lady brought her child to the house.  Another had no transportation and expected my aunt to reimburse her for a cab.

Most of those people worked privately.  We couldn't afford an agency  Agencies generally charge $14 an hour and up while private folks will generally work for $10 an hour.  Quite often there is no difference in the quality of care.  The big difference is that the agency gets a cut.

My issues were intent.  I have no faith in people.   Not all of the time but generally people do things to get paid and not to assist anyone.     Our society has been groomed to not do anything unless you can make a dollar off it.  Not all of the time.  I have a therapist.  He is pretty good and does get paid for his services.  But you can tell he is trying to assist.  I have nothing against a person getting paid for his craft.    I feel a certain way when you you are trying to get rich off it.  And not that I have a problem with a person getting rich, but I don't think people should become millionaires of children, the elderly, the hungry and the homeless.  With some of the people we hired you could tell they did it mostly for the money.

I am not going anywhere with this entry.  I guess I never really intended to.  If anyone is reading this I PRAY that you never need to use home attendants or have to go to a facility.  It is really bad when you have to depend on someone to care for you or a loved one.  Sad thing you rarely know ahead of time if that service would be needed.  I always say that I hope I live to be about 70 and die with the majority of my faculties.    What I have lived through with my mother (and to some degree my Dad) I don't want to live through it again.

Moving on....

Having an interesting time getting Mom back to New York.  One of the five facilities I inquired about emailed me yesterday and informed me that I needed a doctor's for FROM New York.  I asked if that particular form could be done by a Florida doctor since we are not in New York yet and she needs to be placed when she gets to New York.  No answer yet.  They also mentioned that the facility is a little more than $400 a day so we have to discuss the payment arrangements of paying privately.  They would help us with Medicaid if we go that route.  For now I am more concerned about the doctor form.  Well that and actually transporting her back to New York.  I don't know if she can handle a flight.

Mom is also not handling the death of her sister well.  She is not falling apart as I thought she would.  She isn't fully acknowledging the death though.  From time to time she keeps referring to her sister as if she were still in the next room.

Believe it or not though I am actually looking forward to this move back to New York

Why I haven't blogged Part 2

12/26/2017

I am at the library in Ormond Beach.  We have no internet at either my mother or my aunt..AND the library in Daytona Beach got flooded during the hurrican this past September.

I am sending out inquiry emails to perspective nursing homes for mom. As I mentioned she definitely can't stay here in Florida and I can't move down here.

Last week I googled some names and somehow got connected to care.com.  Today I went directly to the websites of the facilities and sent inquiry emails.  The biggest thing is getting help with the Medicaid.  It seems like everyone has an angle to get paid.  A referral site I went to asked for $300 fee.  Makes me think about why I haven't blogged much about this situation.  There is no way I can help or give advice.  Things are geared for someone to get paid.  Sort of like years ago you could google a name to get an address and phone number.  Now there are so many links to lure you in to money for information that used to be free.   If they don't outright charge you then thy make getting the information so complicated you give up or go to a site and get hooked into some type of payment.

So far I am seeking information on five places:

Jewish Home in Westchester
Jewish Home in Harlem
St. Patrick's in the Bronx
Beth Abraham in the Bronx
Hebrew Home in Riverdale

All of these facilities came with recommendations.  Won't mean they will be perfect. And unfortunately I don't have the luxury of checking them out physically beforehand.  I have to go on faith.

Christmas blahs

Today is Christmas and I hardly feel like celebrating.   I am not really sad but I am just not in a celebrating mood sinc e my aunt passed and I have the adventure of placing my mother on the horizon.  I did manage to cook the spare ribs and Cornish hens. 

I had the most ridiculous argument with my mother last night.  I put her to bed and she wanted me to close and lock her door.  Her bedroom door.   She is still at her sister's house and her niece is there.   Mom occasionally has bad dreams.   If she screams or gets sick and the door is closed she may not be heard.  So of course I left the door wide open.  What pissed me off is that she wouldn't listen to any reason and tried to get emotional.   I just kissed her good night and left.

I need that nursing home but I am scared of how she will act at the same time.

Why I haven't blogged in awhile

Part 1

There are a lot of reasons I haven't blogged in a while.    I will tackle this over a period of time. 

For now I will touch on the distractions.  I have discovered that I don't do well with distractions whether it be from work or home.  I need to be able to focus on the subject matter and feel it then write about it.    It doesn't take much for me to get a writer's block.   Unfortunately I haven't had that luxury.    When I get an idea and try to write I get a distraction.   Even with this entry.  Not only did I have ideas for this entry but I have some for others surrounding my current situation.  Before I even write them down there is an issue with Mom that comes up.
I also write with momentum.  I get an idea and start writing.  One distraction throws off that momentum.

Subject matter
I originally chose to write about elder care and homeless issues.   Didn't realize at the time I was still growing and learning about  this .     Had I know then what I know now I would have tackled this differently.    What have I learned in the past seven or eight years regarding the homeless and eldercare?  There is nothing we can do about them.  Trust me.

Being real
In order to write about elder care you have to occasionally be brutally honest about people close to the matter.  This means occasionally ruffling feathers and wounding egos.  Not necessarily maliciously.   People do not always do things to be nasty.  During my journey as a caregiver I have come to realize that money is the biggest factor but not everyone who needs money is greedy.   It is hard to tell the greedy from the non greedy.  I am paying $10 an hour out of pocket for Mom's care but she needs more than that.  The care she is getting isn't perfect but is is adequate and I am very grateful for it.

I will elaborate more in the future.

CHANGES

Life for my mother has officially changed.  On December 19 my aunt passed away after a short bout with pancreatic cancer.   Myrtle Isaacs was my mother's last surviving sister and was 82.  At another time I will get a little more into her life but she was definitely blessed.   And as I said life for us has changed.

Long time again

I am a bad blogger again.  Since I got back from Florida from the hurricane I haven't done much posting.  Looking to change that this week when I go back to Daytona Beach for my mother's birthday, Christmas and New Years.  Hopefully Mom will stay out of the hospital this year.

I also have to start really looking into a facility for her in case my aunt passes away.