JOURNAL ENTRY 37..Reason 23,476 why I don't want to be a senior citizen

More ramblings.

The Colesterpol came last week.  I was worried to death Mom would get sick from the medication and complain about it upsetting her stomach.  Ends up she couldn't swallow the pill.  It was too big.  I called the doctor and he ordered a powdered form of the drug.  It was picked up Friday.  On Saturday she took her half a package dose with water.  She only took half of THAT.  It tasted funny.  My aunt told me later Mom complained about it bothering her throat.    Apparently the mixture didn't completely dissolve in the water.  They should have tried again today with apple sauce.

Thank God, as of this writing I am only allergic to legumes and a host of pet dander and airborne stuff.  I am not allergic to any medications so far.  I AM skeptical though about taking medications.  They all have side effects, some horrific sounding.  I personally think that in some cases I am better off dealing with the illness rather than the side effects of medications taken to stop the illness.  I think I will probably die of some disease because I won't want to deal with the side effects of the potential cure.

JOURNAL ENTRY 36 What I cannot articulate Part 2

These are just random ramblings I guess.

For the past couple of weeks I have been having headaches.  The pain is on the side of my head just above my ears.  First week the pain was on the left side, not it is on the right hand side. I have felt this pain before.  Headache coming from stress.  I tend to grit my teeth a bit.  When I had the pain years ago the doctor actually showed me where the headache came from.  Basically, the muscles in my face are tight and I am tense and that is where the pain is from.  Why am I tense?  Probably from a multitude of sources, starting with Florida.  Every call I make out there I am worried.  Every day I think I am going to get THAT call regarding my Mom.   Then there's the finances.  I am behind in my bills, in part because I am going to Florida.  Then there's the job.  No supervisor problems currently but I really want to leave that place.  My wanting to move out of New York probably connects with that stress too.

I tell myself to relax but it is usually easier said than done.

During the last trip down ending last week there were no serious problems.  I am concerned with the cholesterol but hey, if she can't tolerate the medication so be it.  If the cholesterol ends up being a fatal issue I really can't be too upset.  She is 86 years old.  I still try my best though

JOURNAL ENTRY 35 What I can't articulate part 1

This is another ramble blog entry.  I was in Florida and because of a few observations I am back on my rant about only wanting to live to be 60.  I have improved though.  I wouldn’t mind 70.

To be frank I am saying that I would be satisfied if I only lived to be 70 years old.  I would pray that God keeps me healthy and that I have a meaningful life through that time.   I think about my parents and other elders and I think 70 is quite enough.  I have never been able to fully articulate why.  I doubt if I will in this entry.  I will however ramble through it.

My dad lived to be 83 years old.

With the exception of the Alzheimer’s disease he was reasonably healthy.  At least through his 80^th birthday.  I eventually did all the cooking and had to accompany him everywhere beyond the block.  What disturbed me mostly though was the dementia.  That is an awful thing to watch someone go through.   My adopted godmother goes though it now and her case is worse than Dad’s.  She wanders and gets combative.  She puts clothing in the microwave and hides food.  My aunt is 79 years old and is severely physically limited.  She is confined to a wheelchair. And needs help with the most basic of her needs.

My mother and her sister live together.  It is my aunt’s house.  Home attendants are there all day, starting at 9:00 in the morning.  There are generally two attendants between 9-1.   The other stays till 3.  The other comes back at 4 and stays through 10 when she puts the sisters to bed.  The last comes in at midnight and stays though the morning.

This is expensive of course and my mom and aunt share the cost.  The attendants cost $10 an hour. Each.  No Medicare.  Neither is eligible for Medicaid.  It’s not that either is rich.  It’s just that they fall into the category most almost middle class folks their age do.  They worked hard to build a tiny nest egg they have to burn up after a certain age. 

Now even though they have to pay someone to come in and get them out of bed , bathe and feed them, my mom and aunt can’t even depend on this.  One lady in particular calls out minutes before she is supposed to start.  Lately she has gotten better and calls out the night before.  Usually this is for a Sunday morning meaning the ladies sometimes can’t go to church.  I was there once for the no-show which was  a lucky situation.  The home attendant for Mom showed up but not the one for my aunt.  However, Mom’s help was only supposed to be there for an hour then had to go to another job.  It was a good thing I was there.  I was able to keep them company until a substitute arrived.

There have been folks who no-showed without even calling.

Now this past weekend (9/28) one of the weekend ladies quit on the morning she was supposed to take my mother and aunt to church.

JOURNAL ENTRY 34

I am writing this while I am on family leave in Florida.

 

This is one of my routine visits I take during the year for Mom and I connected this visit with my aunt’s birthday.   I am sure I would have gone to Florida anyway, but at least I made it official as Mom had a doctor’s appointment on the same day. I only stayed down there one whole week.

Mom’s cholesterol was again high (267) and the doctor put her on a medication.  Normally I am against medications but for this one (Colesterpol) I was told that there were few side effects.  I checked online and I saw that most of the side effects were dealing with constipation, and other stomach issues.  I will of course monitor from New York.  I personally doubt if she even takes this stuff.  Otherwise she seemed healthy for an 87 year old lady with limited mobility.

That’s what I keep reminding myself whenever I speak to her.  She is actually 86 years old.  She occasionally will walk and on occasion will exercise.  I do not pressure her. I do encourage her though.  At 86 what’s going to happen?  She has lived.

Journal Entry 33. I feel TRAPPED

A few nights ago I woke up about 3 in the morning.  I do that on occasion.    I turned on the television and turned off the news and put on NGO, the National Geographic station.  Normally the television being ON helps me to get back to sleep.  That and sex.

NGO ended up being the choice because I love programs that deal with information.  My favorite stations are Investigation Discovery, History and TruTV.  I recently discovered NGO and it plays clearly on my digital cable box so I put it on.    The program playing at that time was something about undercover people taking photos of farms.  They were hired as farm workers but they were taking pictures of animals being abused.  I faded in and out (mostly in) but the bottom line ended up being that some employees were arrested for abusing animals and farmers were pissed about the undercover reporting.  The farmers in multiple states helped get laws passed that made it illegal to work undercover at a farm.(see link).  That was the scary part. 

http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/campaigns/factory_farming/fact-sheets/ag_gag.html#id=album-185&num=content-3312


In a lot of cases these undercover animal rights advocates also uncovered situations where animals were sick and were not supposed to be sold to the public.  If a cow is unable to walk the law states it cannot be killed and placed for human consumption.  So these animal rights advocates in a mission to capture animal abuse were also able to blow the whistle on farmers selling bad food to the public.  In the case of cows the danger is selling meat contaminated with e-coli or even mad cow disease.  So reading that there are states that actually passed a law prohibiting undercover work on farms freaked me out.  The law bans the taking of photography without the owners consent.  My guess would be that the purpose of this law would be to ensure the farmer continues to make money.  If the public not only saw the abuse of animals but the production of sickly animals for human consumption they might be convinced to go vegetarian.  Profits over people.



If you are for animal rights you would be disturbed over the images of chickens getting their necks wrung and cows getting abused while giving milk.  While hard to take hearing about contaminated food nearly made me sick.

Now aside from sharing the information how do I use the information?  I can't farm or grow my own plants so am I doomed?
  I can easily say I will go vegan but how? 
My new homework assignment.