On a personal note: Dad six months later

September 10 made six months since Dad passed away.  This is one of those times when it is difficult to describe the emotions.  On one hand I am gradually moving on with my life.  On the other hand I miss him dearly.  Life is definitely not the same with him gone.  The apartment is obviously quiet.  The picture above was taken Independence Day about four years ago.  I didn't write it down that day but I already know the scenario:  Since this was just before he had the dementia he got up and I probably fixed breakfast even though he was still capable of doing it.  I know I had burgers and franks I started cooking around 1:00 and I am sure I told him to stay out of the kitchen.  No, I didn't ask him.  If we didn't finish off the food for lunch I probably went to my cousin and brought back food for dinner.  He almost never went out for that day.  In fact, Dad seldom wanted to go out for the holidays.  He was a homebody.  If he did go visit someone he was ready to come home after three hours.

I miss cooking for the two of us and I still miss our four phone calls a day with him telling me either about the medication he was about to take or letting me know what he had for lunch.  It never got tired.  I mean you wish the medication wasn't an issue but I never minded him calling me about it.  It was a pleasure.

I have still isolated myself from a lot of people.  I really don't have the energy to talk to a lot of folks, even though they are all well meaning.  I have yet to talk to family.  Right now I am not ready to.

When I am in Florida visiting my mother I find myself looking at the clock, ready to call late in the morning or evening.  He would always tell me not to worry about calling him and I would always ignore him.  Loudly.  I had to let him know it wasn't a bother to speak to him each day, even though we never spoke for long periods on the phone.

You generally are able to move on after your parents pass on.  You never completely get over the deaths though...especially if you cared about them.

Dad, I know you are in a better place.  I miss you but I am happy for you.