Miss you Dad

This past Saturday was July 20th.  My dad would have been 92 years old.  He's been gone now for eight years.  I'm not going to lie and me melodramatic but I will say I still miss him.

Since he passed away I have taken off on his birthday.  I just don't care to be at work on that day.  This time I went to Washington DC and spent the weekend.  I am writing this on the train ride going home.

I still miss his face and his compassion.  I miss his guidance, his values and his friendship.

I love you Dad

Four months later...what I have learned.....so far

It's been over four months since I write on this blog.  I call it an unexpected time out.  You expect a person to take a little time away after the loss of a loved one.  I thought it would have been right after Mom's funeral.  I didn't expect for it to be a month afterwards and for the timeout to be so long.  In any case, some of this is going to be new and some of this will be rehashed.

I have been back at work consistently since the funeral..

I have not gone through any depressions since February.  In fact I have not noticed any significant changes to my moods at all.

I still feel emotions I cannot fully describe.

I miss my mother...however I am still relieved she is gone.

I am glad to no longer get calls at midnight or at six in the morning.

I deeply miss Mom's laugh.

I miss her love of sports.

I miss her encouragement

In this 13 year journey where I have taken care of both of my parents I have learned that I do not want to get old.

In this 13 year journey I have learned that if I get a major illness I will more than likely let that take me out ass opposed to allowing myself to be chronically ill for a number of years.

In this 13 year journey I have learned I have absolutely no trust for people, especially when it comes to healthcare.

I have learned that there is really not that much of a difference between nursing homes and home care.  People are over charged and still subject to abuse.

I have learned that if you have property, especially a home, you need to have someone else's name on it or it will be taken from you.

I have learned that states with no taxes are not necessarily good for you.

I have learned you need a will, power of attorney, living will and health proxy as soon as you can think of one.

I have learned that you have to think NOW as to what you want to happen to you if you get gravely ill.  You really need to think about hospitals and nursing homes. You need to know that most people do not care about you like you think.  The  majority have no problems letting you sit in your own urine, feces or vomit.

I have learned there are worse things than heart attacks.  Dementia is an awful thing to live through.  Not having control over your body is a horrible thing to live through.