Today is day 4 of my mother being at Calvary Hospital. This will probably be the last place she occupies alive. So far I am satisfied. Even though she is not communicating at all she appears to be comfortable. About two weeks ago she was diagnosed as having necrotizing fasciitis or a flesh eating bacteria. I didn't realize they never narrowed down which strain she has. Because the only other way the doctors can treat my mother is with an amputation I elected for "comfort care", knowing she will eventually die from this. At least she will die without having to go through the trauma of an amputation. So for now I am watching my mother slowly die.
I cannot tell you how this makes me feel. Because she is not in any obvious pain I don't feel any trauma. However, because she is awake but not responding I have no idea what she is feeling. I can't tell if she is going through any unnecessary suffering. I do not know how long she will be alive. For hospice purposes it is supposed to be six months. Because she is not eating I doubt if she will last that long. A part of me is sad and a part of me isn't.
For today I am here (New Year's Eve) for a few hours. I brought my I POD and Mom is listening to my playlists. Right now it is gospel music. I plan on leaving around 9:00 and go to the city somewhere and get something to eat and maybe meet up with a friend. I aim to keep some balance in my life and not complete stress out.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Journal Entry #111 Hospice
I have not posted in a long time. A lot has happend. I will write about right now and in my next entry write about what's been happening.
As of today Mom is in a Hospice. She has an infection in her leg and the doctors have treated it as best they could. She is currently at Calvary Hospital. I am not certain how long she has to live. She appears to be resting comfortably though I can't be sure. She was sleeping during my visit yesterday.
Right now the hardest part for me is waking up and knowing I will be getting that call soon. The anxiety is the worst
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