Recently I was thinking about my situation with my parents. My focus is on my mother entirely now since Dad passed away last year. Even though (in my case at least) I look forward to assisting my mother during her golden years I have to be mindful of my own health and safety. It’s important to pay attention to feelings you may have. These are a few things I noticed with myself:
1. Overwhelmed: I definitely feel that. There are days you will feel overwhelmed due to work, personal life and other commitments. It’s not like taking care of a loved one is the only thing going on in your life. Some days you may have everything under control and other days you feel the stress more.
2. Anxiety: You will feel different degrees of anxiety. I feel it now. My mother is 84 years old. I have to be honest with myself, she is not going to be here a lot longer. She may live into her 90s or she may not see 85. She is in ok health but not the greatest. In fact we just found out that she has cholesterol problems. She is not very mobile, but to her credit she does not have high blood pressure and never smoked or drank. Regardless of that there is some anxiety there You wonder if and when you will get that phone call letting you know she was hospitalized or worse.
3. Anger: I rarely felt angry and the few times I did I never felt it towards my parents because their condition is not their fault. You may feel different levels of anger and it may be directed at different issues or people. The times I felt anger it was towards my employers and managers because they chose to give me a very difficult time during my greatest (so far) challenge. They knew what they were doing with every stroke of their pen. The anger was never directed at my parents because at age 83 and 84 they are no longer the person who raised me. It is different with some others as they age but my parents are a shell of who they once were. I would get annoyed at Dad for not eating and his excuses for it. My mother is more difficult to help than my father was. She still occasionally has to show that she is in charge even though she forgets what she is supposed to be doing half the time. I will occasionally get annoyed that I cannot help her fully but I never direct my emotions at her. Now for you, anger may be directed at siblings for various reasons. They may not pull their own weight, others may be abusive. I have a friend with an elderly parent. He basically does most of the work with the parent. One sister helps out. There are six of them overall. Let’s not mention grandchildren.
4. Frustration: Real talk. When you are caring for your parents the rewards are not what you may think. Care giving is an extremely difficult job requiring a lot of sacrifices. The end result of your work is usually death (because our parents usually precede us in death). Often you never see much improvement in their health and/or their emotional state. If you are fortunate you may see positive fluctuations on their mental state that will occasionally remind you that you are doing the right thing. I used to ease my own frustrations by praying to God I was doing the right thing by HIM.
5. Prayer: I am a Christian. I prayed often while I was taking care of Dad. I don’t think I prayed enough, but maybe I did. I believe God answered my prayers regarding Dad. He had Alzheimer’s disease and still had a good part of his short term memory. He passed away from a cardiac arrest and not from the horrific effects of Alzheimer’s. Be careful what you wish for. I never prayed for Dad to be miraculously be cured from Alzheimer’s. I did pray that he not suffer and be miserable. I prayed for a decent quality of life and for the strength to work with him. I will admit that I also prayed that he would sooner pass away as opposed to suffer. Those prayers were answered and I am thankful I not only didn’t see him really suffer, but I wasn’t around for the heart attack. He was in the nursing home when it happened and I was stuck in traffic. Had I been on time I would have seen them try to resuscitate him. I am also thankful that Dad lived as long as he did despite the fact he abused alcohol and nicotine for a number of years. He drank until he was in his early 50s and smoked until he was about 70. However, he lived to be about 80 without having to take major medications. I find that prayer helps. My job was trying their best to terminate my employment. It was grieved and I am still employed with a clean record. I also did my best to attend services regularly. I did Brooklyn Tabernacle and St. Martins. Prayer works.
6. Self-preservation: Not to be confused with being selfish or self-centered sometimes you have to have a little self-preservation. This means looking out for yourself. Once again I was very blessed when it came to Dad. But every once in a while I would go to Philadelphia in a Friday night and come back on the next afternoon. Dad was functional enough to follow instructions written and over the phone. He did not go out at all unless he spoke to me first and the furthest he went was across the street and to church and he was picked up for church. He did not cook and knew the basic functions on the microwave. I didn’t go out too often, maybe once a month or two. Otherwise I would make a pit stop here and there, still calling and checking in with Dad. You need to do that once in a while and especially if you are the primary caregiver. If you don’t you WILL burn out. Take advantage of your resources and try to have a few resources. I am a loner and not married so I tend to do my own thing. However you do it, do your thing. Do your best to not have your life solely be work and care giving.
7. Be proactive: As much as you can take charge. With Dad our bank accounts were linked so I paid the bills. I went to his doctor’s appointments. Close to the end I made sure that his final arrangements were made. You may not always have that luxury. Dad was easy going and trusted me to handle things. You may have a parent like my mother who frets more and either won’t talk about certain things or may not follow through and won’t allow you to. The point is to be as proactive as you possibly can.
Stroke, small vessel disease, or a mixture of the two can cause vascular dementia. Most commonly there is a blockage of small blood vessels somewhere in the vast system of arteries that feeds the brain and enters through the base of the skull. Blockages may be caused by plaque build-up on the inside of the artery wall, or by blood clots which have broken loose and clogged a tributary further downstream. Clots can form as a result of abnormal heart rhythms, or other heart abnormalities. Also, a weak patch on an artery wall can balloon outward and form an aneurysm, which can burst and deprive the brain cells of oxygen. 
Caring for a person with vascular dementia can be very stressful for both you and your loved one. You can make the situation easier by providing a stable and supportive environment. 
